When Dreams Are Deferred

An elderly man struggles to walk down a hospital hallway, a physical therapist on one side and his daughter on the other, trying to get back his strength after a heart attack. He stops at the end of the hallway, looking out from the fourth floor at a community far different from when he was a young man. In the near distance, there is a newly developed subdivision with a few houses already scattered through the empty lots, other houses still under construction.

“Look, Dad,” says the daughter in Spanish, pointing to the houses under construction. “More houses every day.”

“My father used to do construction work,” the daughter explains to the physical therapist. “He used to make cabinets, finish work, installing the trim, that kind of thing. He used to work hard. He would take on extra work at night and on weekends. He was always working when we were little. Sometimes he even did things like yard work or planting trees and grass for the new houses.” The physical therapist nods, looking down at the worn, gnarled hands that gripped his forearm tightly for balance.

The man trembles slightly as he stands looking out at the houses in the distance, searching to distinguish the workers that were really just a blur in his worn eyes.

“I, I always worked in construction, all my life,” he whispers. “But, my dream was…always…to have my own cabinet shop. It was work I really enjoyed doing. But, I was always working. I had to work to feed my children…to send them to school…to make sure they would not have to leave school to work…to send them to college. I never had time to start my cabinet shop…to make my dream a reality. I was always working. For your children, you will give up anything…even your own dreams so they can make their own dreams.” He turns, walking back down the hall to his room.

Tears stream down the daughter’s face as she looks at the houses. “I never knew that was his dream.”

So, what does this story have to do with leadership?

As leaders, we often have to make a choice about how important our dreams are. When do we have to put our dreams aside for the good of the family, the team, the organization, the company, the community, the nation...the world? It is a hard question, but an important question. What is good for ME is not always good for US. This is obvious in such situations as the credit crisis where some people benefited at the tragic expense of many others.

Good leadership depends on making sure my dreams align with the dreams of the people around me, whatever those dreams are. If they are not, then I have to decide whether I want to change the people around me or change my dreams. Sometimes, your have to change or defer your dreams rather than the people around you. Sometimes, it is the other way around. Sometimes, you have to do both.